The weirdest thing is happening in our house. Profound sadness is twisted up with overwhelming pride and wonder on almost a daily basis. Jennifer and I, I think, understand the concept of growing-up. We have been witness to this miraculous process for eight years. But, at least for me, it seems only recently to have become so obvious. Maybe the change is in us. We've been married for 11 years now, and we are very good at 'us.' With Jennifer home and my reasonable stability at work, maybe we've stopped spinning enough to be more aware. As I look back much of our early life seems a blur - tons of vocational upheaval, some medical scares and near constant scramble to survive - now, to be honest, by survive I mean given an affluent North American standard - not roll sod for shelter, get first crop in the barn or starve, survive. I feel secure in our home and our life together and maybe that has allowed for this change. Heck, maybe it's a very common mid-life stock taking, a kind of expected self and life reflective phase. Not sure, but what I do know is that everyday we see in our kids a pace of change that is breath-taking.
It seems overnight that JT can do complicated math and read in both french and english. I can already see in him the strong big brother that will be such a large presence in our house and in the lives of his parents and siblings. Lily is without a doubt the most active of all of our children at that age. Just so full of life - moxie, if this was a different generation; not talking but absolutely communicating clearly. And Matt, that sweet monkey, he is the catalyst to this realization. Apparently he was supposed to stay cute little five year old Matt forever. So caring, so funny and did I mention cute. The voice, the mannerisms, the heavy footfalls and constant pratfalls that seemed eternal, a constant in our house - a defining part of our full and wonderful lives. And overnight and all of a sudden he's growing up and changing. Realization of this amplifies the changes now more evident in his brother and sister. The little bugger lost his first tooth. And its killing me. I'm a little terrified. I know they are young, but for the first time I can feel that eventual loss. They are growing up and away from us. It's like I'm finally truly getting that one day they'll be out of the house and building their own lives. Admittedly I haven't been dealing well with this over the last day or so - but I decide and declare today, to strap in and hold on and get ready for this very disconcerting but wild ride. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Love you all,
B
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